1. Yes = No.
2. No = Yes.
3. Maybe = No.
4. I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
5. We need = I want.
6. It's your decision = The correct decision should obvious by now.
7. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
8. We need to talk = I need to complain.
9. Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.
10. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
11. You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
12. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
14. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
15. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.
16. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
17. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
18. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
19. Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead.

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
2. I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
3. I'm tired = I'm tired.
4. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you tonight.
5. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you tonight.
6. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you that night.
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you tonight.
8. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
9. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you tonight.
10. What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?
11. I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
12. I love you = Let's have sex right now.
13. I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
15. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
16. I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together = I am gay.

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

Show up naked.

TOP TEN ANSWERS MEN WOULD MOST LIKE TO GIVE TO WOMEN'S REPETITIVE QUESTIONS, BUT NEVER WILL

10. No, we can't be friends, I just want to use you for sex.
9. The dress doesn't make you look fat, its all the fucking ice-cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.
8. You've got shit chance of me calling you.
7. No, I wont be gentle.
6. Of course you have to swallow.
5. Well yes actually, I do this all the time.
4. I hate your fucking friends.
3. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight.
2. Id rather watch a porn movie.
1. Eat it? It took me 10 beers to get up the courage to fuck it.

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR A WOMAN SAY: