The best entries from genuine job applications.

1) "I have lurnt Word Perfect computor and spreassheet pogroms."
2) "I am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever make mistakes."
3) "I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4) "Reason for leaving last job: - Maturity Leave."
5) "I have an excellent track record although I am not a horse"
6) "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
7) "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
8) NB "Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as "job-hopping". I have never quit a job."
9) "My goal is to be a meteorologist, but as I have no training in meteorology I suppose I should try the insurance industry."
10) "Personal interests - Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

The best requests why an ambulance was requested for routine hospital visits.

1) "I'm under the doctor and can't breathe."
2) "I can't breathe and haven't done so for years."
3) "I am unable to walk now as my dog has died."
4) "I have got arthritis and heart failure in both feet."
5) "My husband is dead and won't bring me."
6) "I want transport as bus drivers do funny things to me and make me feel queer."
7) "I cannot walk up a hill unless it is down and your clinic is up."
8) "I can come anytime that suits you, but not mornings as I don't feel too good.
I can't come on Mondays or Wednesdays as my home help comes and not on Friday as the butcher calls for his money.
I can't come on a Tuesday as my sister calls. Other than that any time suits."
9) "I need transport as I have funny feet."
10) "I hope you will send your driver as my husband is useless."